Everything went so fast like a whirlwind it draws me at state of shock. A year ago seems I'm heading on a path of unknown without any direction or destination. Perhaps, my footsteps take me to nowhere as I exhausts myself physically but more on mentally. I've been through several stop-overs to see if i already arrived to the pit stop after a long and winding journey. But then I end up walking again to another path still in faith and losing hope was never my option. Every time I see bright lights, I made belief that maybe this is it, the fate I've been searching for long. As I'm getting near, the lights slowly fading away with no marks or even sparks left. The first thought behind my head keeps on reminding me not to give up instead considered it as God's plan.
Every busy people surrounds me as I walks onto the sidewalks of the metro makes me wonder how hard life is it for them. I can't help but to question things which is wrong and pointless. I see different faces: happy faces and worried faces. I can't read minds so how should I know what's their mind's up to. Do they facing trials brought by unsureness of their decisions? Are they finally receive life's good news? Have they already grasp the light that I'm dying to reach? Is there any barrier for them to taste life sweetness? So many questions yet to be answered.
Honestly, I don't have to questions things much instead be thankful for what I have. Many people were suffering the worst of worst so who I am to demand for more than enough. I guess in this point of time of my life, I'm in the process of finding myself and discovering who else I can be. From my previous ranting, I learned how much bitterness I contained by directly or indirectly blaming my life's fate. I worry a lot and emotions were overflowing, bursting like I am the only person who's suffering. Never in my life I intended to grief with things that happened unexpectedly out of the circle. Unplanned and unintended situations were really inescapable. So I keep in mind that no matter how hard I've tried to cry, scream, be sad and angry, still, everything were done for a purpose paving way for the best outcome possible.
For more or less two years, I keep on chasing my luck from which to which. Run there, run here, almost helpless but still trying. I admit that I didn't tried harder but at least even a bit of effort was exerted. I never been at ease for that long even there was a time I've proved something when I stepped my foot on the bright light just for a while. I never meant to give up and leave an opportunity behind. It's like sacrificing for a thing you haven't been happy of doing. Sacrificing is part of life I suppose but then there no willing power inside me forcing to fight till the end. Subconsciously I felt such a damn loser.
After I skipped the bright light that was already in front of me, suddenly another one came where I caught myself hoping for the best. Abruptly I felt blessed. Unknowingly, I took chances for what seems to be blurry. I had hesitation but still I've took the risk, take a shot and gambled. For couple of months, I've patiently waited. Every single day that I woke up seems like cutting me slowly into pieces. And whenever I see the sunset, I always whisper to myself "not a good day". Until one day, unexpectedly, my anxiety suddenly faded because I've received my most awaited great news. I wanted to jump off my butt and shout aloud without any hesitation. The eagerness was on high and believe me, never felt this way before after I've got my license.
Guarantees are probable expectations. Before, I mentioned that I have a thing here called hesitation, and now its finally erased as I've seen the bright light so clear and free from doubt. But of course, I won't overwhelm myself by expecting too much instead be prayerful and just believe that "this is really is my Time and I'm gonna nailed it for sure!" I'm optimistic this time and I won't let anything serves as a roadblock on my way to the bright light. I've took the risk, I went a long way, and still moving to a more remote point. I'm stepping forward and there's no turning back. I've got this on my bare hands and I won't let it escape away from me. This is my rare luck which I believe will bring me to the peak of success in line with my destined destination. From my previous FB status : It's choice -- not chance -- that determines your destiny. And I have chosen to take the risk that makes me now ONE STEP CLOSER.
Every busy people surrounds me as I walks onto the sidewalks of the metro makes me wonder how hard life is it for them. I can't help but to question things which is wrong and pointless. I see different faces: happy faces and worried faces. I can't read minds so how should I know what's their mind's up to. Do they facing trials brought by unsureness of their decisions? Are they finally receive life's good news? Have they already grasp the light that I'm dying to reach? Is there any barrier for them to taste life sweetness? So many questions yet to be answered.
Honestly, I don't have to questions things much instead be thankful for what I have. Many people were suffering the worst of worst so who I am to demand for more than enough. I guess in this point of time of my life, I'm in the process of finding myself and discovering who else I can be. From my previous ranting, I learned how much bitterness I contained by directly or indirectly blaming my life's fate. I worry a lot and emotions were overflowing, bursting like I am the only person who's suffering. Never in my life I intended to grief with things that happened unexpectedly out of the circle. Unplanned and unintended situations were really inescapable. So I keep in mind that no matter how hard I've tried to cry, scream, be sad and angry, still, everything were done for a purpose paving way for the best outcome possible.
For more or less two years, I keep on chasing my luck from which to which. Run there, run here, almost helpless but still trying. I admit that I didn't tried harder but at least even a bit of effort was exerted. I never been at ease for that long even there was a time I've proved something when I stepped my foot on the bright light just for a while. I never meant to give up and leave an opportunity behind. It's like sacrificing for a thing you haven't been happy of doing. Sacrificing is part of life I suppose but then there no willing power inside me forcing to fight till the end. Subconsciously I felt such a damn loser.
After I skipped the bright light that was already in front of me, suddenly another one came where I caught myself hoping for the best. Abruptly I felt blessed. Unknowingly, I took chances for what seems to be blurry. I had hesitation but still I've took the risk, take a shot and gambled. For couple of months, I've patiently waited. Every single day that I woke up seems like cutting me slowly into pieces. And whenever I see the sunset, I always whisper to myself "not a good day". Until one day, unexpectedly, my anxiety suddenly faded because I've received my most awaited great news. I wanted to jump off my butt and shout aloud without any hesitation. The eagerness was on high and believe me, never felt this way before after I've got my license.
Guarantees are probable expectations. Before, I mentioned that I have a thing here called hesitation, and now its finally erased as I've seen the bright light so clear and free from doubt. But of course, I won't overwhelm myself by expecting too much instead be prayerful and just believe that "this is really is my Time and I'm gonna nailed it for sure!" I'm optimistic this time and I won't let anything serves as a roadblock on my way to the bright light. I've took the risk, I went a long way, and still moving to a more remote point. I'm stepping forward and there's no turning back. I've got this on my bare hands and I won't let it escape away from me. This is my rare luck which I believe will bring me to the peak of success in line with my destined destination. From my previous FB status : It's choice -- not chance -- that determines your destiny. And I have chosen to take the risk that makes me now ONE STEP CLOSER.
2 comments:
You are right when you said that you're luckier than other people cause they face more suffering than you do. Whatever's troubling you will surely be solve in time. :)
License? Nursing? Hehe! ^^
Anyway, kudos for your FB status. You're damn right. It's the person's choice that brings you there. :)
"I don't have to questions things much instead be thankful for what I have." -you quoted
i agree with that part, we should learn how to be content on what we have, for sure everything has its purpose.
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