2.15 in the afternoon as the rain keep on pouring down as i look at the window where all things are soaking wet. I can't help my tears from falling down through my orange jacket and all the sounds I hear is the music from the radio. It hurts to know someone's leaving when all along you knew that everything's going fine. A sudden news going to shock you insane where you've got no where to escape and all left is to cry. There's no way I'm gonna accept this fact, never in my wildest dreams I imagined being in this kind of situation. This probably the worst scenario I'm afraid to deal with. You can gimme hell problems in the world but not this one because I've got nowhere to find something that can heal this kind of pain w/c hurting me too much. I often wonder if all were just a Dream that I'm more than willing to wake up soon. I don't care if I give up what I have at the moment just bring back all good times away from misery. I can stand whatever trials comes my way whether if those will break me, i don't give a damn.
Being away from home had given me difficult time to deal with this especially I've got no family to lean on but I'm thankful coz I have friends who understands me and cares for me. I need to be strong though in silence I tend to be emotional and think over the present situation that's driving me at the peak of depression. Definitely, there's no way I can escape the reality that life has expiration date. Sometimes I question God, "why did it came so fast?". Though I have no right to question the Almighty but it's a human nature to ask things beyond their control.
Sometimes I think that it's better to have Cancer coz you can see how long will you stay in this world whereas, if heart attack, it gets your life instantly without any consent..:( It's damn unfair.
All that is left of me are the memories we had together couple of months ago. I will never forget every single thing she did for me and the rest of the family. She's my role model. She sacrfificed much to help most of us so that's why i find it hard to accept the truth that she's been struggling much. The truth is she almost forgotten her own life coz all she thinks of were how to help us. A guilt deep within makes me too emotional and cry at times. Because it's a fact that I added up to her problems ever since I pursue my dreams of getting here. Instead of advising me to give up, here she goes trying to uplift my spirits telling me how proud she is that I'm already here. She knew even before that I'm gonna achieve my dreams {period}. Honestly if wasn't for her, I won't be able to be as strong as I am now. She's my inspiration who taught me to be brave and she believed whatever trials I'm going to encounter, I can make it.
Living my life without her is unimaginable. Everyday I used to talk with her through chat about random / casual things, sometimes about gossips / life issues/ family issues. I will miss those without any doubt. She very different from the rest coz she's too frank and straight forward. It saddened me to wake up one day waiting for her to pop up in the internet and say.."hi leny". :(( but sadly, i dunno if it will ever happen again. Truly she makes my daily easy as I can talk to her sharing experiences and everything w/c makes me less homesick.. But now, how can i deal with this? I've got no idea at all. It's hell to imagine things like that totally makes me sick.
If there's one wish I can make, that would be to longer her life... I still have heaps of dreams for her. I want to somehow payback to all the good deeds she have done for the family. She deserves to be pampered w/c I know she never experienced given by other person or us. That's one of my ultimate dream ever since. I hope I can still give her comfortable life away from stress and problems..
God help her please...I'm begging you.. But whatever or wherever you want her to be, I'll accept it though there's nothing harder than that... You knows best, I believe in you. We love her so much.....:((
Being away from home had given me difficult time to deal with this especially I've got no family to lean on but I'm thankful coz I have friends who understands me and cares for me. I need to be strong though in silence I tend to be emotional and think over the present situation that's driving me at the peak of depression. Definitely, there's no way I can escape the reality that life has expiration date. Sometimes I question God, "why did it came so fast?". Though I have no right to question the Almighty but it's a human nature to ask things beyond their control.
Sometimes I think that it's better to have Cancer coz you can see how long will you stay in this world whereas, if heart attack, it gets your life instantly without any consent..:( It's damn unfair.
All that is left of me are the memories we had together couple of months ago. I will never forget every single thing she did for me and the rest of the family. She's my role model. She sacrfificed much to help most of us so that's why i find it hard to accept the truth that she's been struggling much. The truth is she almost forgotten her own life coz all she thinks of were how to help us. A guilt deep within makes me too emotional and cry at times. Because it's a fact that I added up to her problems ever since I pursue my dreams of getting here. Instead of advising me to give up, here she goes trying to uplift my spirits telling me how proud she is that I'm already here. She knew even before that I'm gonna achieve my dreams {period}. Honestly if wasn't for her, I won't be able to be as strong as I am now. She's my inspiration who taught me to be brave and she believed whatever trials I'm going to encounter, I can make it.
Living my life without her is unimaginable. Everyday I used to talk with her through chat about random / casual things, sometimes about gossips / life issues/ family issues. I will miss those without any doubt. She very different from the rest coz she's too frank and straight forward. It saddened me to wake up one day waiting for her to pop up in the internet and say.."hi leny". :(( but sadly, i dunno if it will ever happen again. Truly she makes my daily easy as I can talk to her sharing experiences and everything w/c makes me less homesick.. But now, how can i deal with this? I've got no idea at all. It's hell to imagine things like that totally makes me sick.
If there's one wish I can make, that would be to longer her life... I still have heaps of dreams for her. I want to somehow payback to all the good deeds she have done for the family. She deserves to be pampered w/c I know she never experienced given by other person or us. That's one of my ultimate dream ever since. I hope I can still give her comfortable life away from stress and problems..
God help her please...I'm begging you.. But whatever or wherever you want her to be, I'll accept it though there's nothing harder than that... You knows best, I believe in you. We love her so much.....:((
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