ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Honestly, My head get spinning around w/ random thoughts mainly occupied w/ anxiousness and nervousness. I don't have any idea on what the hell I'm doing this non-sense blog entry whereas most readers won't actually pay time to read. Maybe I caught up w/ a thought of letting go of this weird feeling so that it won't actually stuck up in my mind. Simply, I only want myself to realize that everything will goes out well so never "myself" worry w/ anything and everything under the sun so help me God lol.

• Here's the deal, I have this situation wherein I have to put my faith in God into test or in simple words... I committed a big RISK. You might find it vague for I can't further elaborate so please understand.Yes, it's odd but seriously it serious! I have no other weapon but FAITH IN GOD.
• Should I easily believe in a thing w/ no clear security or guarantee? Two things that makes me stand to it are vocal statement assuring positive outcomes and family friend's referral. Are they enough? I'm so confused.
• Do I have to expect that I can achieve what was planned from the very start since they promised me guaranteed outcome? Yeah. I'm such an idiot! Of course I know the answer but please blame my mind coz it keeps on lingering up here.
• I don't want to end up in stupidity! I can't help it for I am so desperate that I can do anything to get in my goal and break the ice. Classified as risk-taker but does that thing worth the risk? worth the wait?
  

The above statement consisted w/ blahblahblah thoughts of an insane girl so please don't read in case you don't wish to be like her. Seriously, I'm so serious and yes I'm being redundant. It shows how lousy I am and weird at the same time. Seriously again, I'm not worrying mainly w/ my wholeness alone but w/ utmost dedication to my family who I'd like to give everything and everything..is there anything else than everything??? That made me seriously worry like hell coz I'm damn desperate but w/ my desperate intention I hope that God will not let me go and still have pity on me most esp. at this very highest{?} peak of my life.

Lord God, Help me w/ this need. I know I'm being too demanding however this goes out not for myself alone but for my family. I know you never failed to grant my wishes every time I asked from you. I know that I'm deserving but please let this be my stepping stone for much improvement in the future ahead of me. I know you are busy watching each one of your creation but can you put a glimpse on me for a while? I know you won't give up on me. I know you love me.

FB Update:

-->>> Made me smile yesterday. An ultimate HS crush btw. He never knew me anyways. LOL.But I have to make his identity a mystery for privacy purposes.LOL. "meganooon??"