2011

2 months have already passed by, i bet i'm too late to say happy new year folks. Anyway it isn't about the year that has been, this is about the new year to fill in for 365 days. I like thinking about possibilities and chances which might occur this year..I had enough of the dramas, pitfalls, and stressful instances. I'm not an idiot to expect a perfect life however I can somehow do something to control my emotions and start being calm and relax.

A new life far from what I used to have last year characterized by hardship and failure. Don't get me wrong. It's sort of exaggerated in some way but most of my days are not that good to be told. The start of was good. Perfect way to start the year indeed. I'll share some photos of the most significant events so far this year.. Let's Start with JANUARY.

DUNEDIN ESCAPADE

(January 01, 2011)

Aya's Birthday in Dunedin

Thanks ate precy for inviting me:)

in Dunedin

You'll get a certificate if you reach the peak. idk if that's true.

jump!

SUNNY SUNDAY

January 09, 2011

Ate precy's master cooking skills

with Stew

timer works!

OET

January 15, 2011

Watched movie as a stress relief after the exam.

CARL'S BIRTHDAY

This was insane! Had One Shot before going on duty!

BARHOPPING IN THE CITY

(January 22, 2011)

Curled my hair

bubbly Marvin and stunning Ate Precy

BUSKERS

(January 28, 2011)

Hilarious show!

Awie.Amber.Geralyn

Cuddle this funny Man!

23RD BIRTHDAY

23RD

Perhaps, it's time to say goodbye to a whole blast year that has been when I was 22 years of age. At 22, I've transformed to another persona in which I guess quite stronger and slightly waterproof! Trying to cope up with changes, I have learned to become resistant to whatever thorns along the way though they leave some pretty deep scar. They said I'm young, fragile, and inexperience. There's no way I can be bother by those because I know for a fact that there's something I can make a mark for myself.

My goal since I was young was to go abroad at 21 years old. Basically, I failed that for I arrived here in New Zealand at the age of 22. It's quite funny because I proud to say that my job here is my first ever job since I graduated last 2008 excluding the times I've done a month of training/volunteer in a Hospital. What an experience isn't? Seriously, I haven't achieved my ultimate goal. It'll take some time before I accomplish it. I've wasted a whole of being a piece of junk. Not that I'm not proud of my job but it's not worth it to stick with it. Nevermind, a piece of advice from my quirky head, DREAM ON!

Every year, I've made sure that my birthdays should be a meaningful day for me. I can do a thing which will make me happy though there's absence of gifts, friends, foods, and family. Since I was a little, my parents would always throw a party for me. Heaps of gifts from friends, godmother/godfathers,relatives and random people. Fun games, entertainment, balloons, party tables and chairs, great dress, mouthwatering foods, party music, in short, a whole lot of fun!! Even now that I'm grown up, I can find way to amuse myself like inviting my friends for a simple gathering for lunch or maybe dinner and sing karaoke all day long. Simple as photoshoot would make me happy. To be with the people whom I give importance, is one of the best gift that I can have. I don't materials things or bunch of foods around me, a simple greeting is far more thoughtful than any other thing in the world.

Literally, this was my first birthday away from my family and friends. It saddened me to realize how lonely it could be in my most important day in my life which happens just once a year and it will never happen again ever. How can you turn 23 over and over again seriously??!! But you know what made happy, it was the greetings from friends over facebook, a night of work with less stress, greetings from people whom I have told that it was my birthday..hahaha, thoughtfulness of ate precy to treat me for dinner, voice chat with family thru skype, gift from people that I've received, and just a good weather! hehe:D Though it seems like I have nothing to be sad about, still, I feel incomplete especially now that Christmas is just around the corner. I can hear the word christmas wherever I go.

Is there any reason for me to be merry this Christmas? Let's see... I will keep you posted on actually how to celebrate Christmas alone.

THANK YOU GOD FOR ANOTHER YEAR. HOWEVER MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT THE PEOPLE WHO I CARE ABOUT, I WILL STILL CONTINUE LIVING AS IF THEY CHEERING UP FOR ME WHEREVER THEY ARE. IN DISTANCE, WE ARE FAR BUT IN HEART, WE ARE IN REACH.

YUM!

@ NANDOS WITH ATE PRECY

No turning back!

This is it! I probably making one of the hardest decision of my life. I know it's should be done earlier as possible. I took a chance of letting time goes by without making any sense of my life here in nz. Until I reached the end of the year when all things were sorted out and created the final outcome of the questions I've been asking in my mind. Yay! so creepy! I have to be prepared like BIG TIME! Pls. pray for my success! I'm thankful because there's wonderful people along the way who won't hesitate to help.. thanks:))

RISE AND SHINE!

Shot by mois (27.11.10)

After a long time, I've managed to check my blogger account! haha. You know me, I've been busy working but now, I'm gonna rise and shine. It doesn't matter if I get less hours of sleep as long as I can see the beauty of the sun and people passing by. I wanna drink my favorite cup of frappucino and unwind in the library with my laptop chillaxing! Aside from working and surpassing work challenges, I'm having fun spending time with myself. Not that I'm a loner, but basically it's way for me to discover what I wanted in life and not listening to those buggers! Anyway, they give spice in my life and so I need them to give a little spunk in my peaceful living.lol.

Chase your dream is my new motto. I don't want to be rotten like a bunch of bananas trying to be like everyone. Who don't wants to fly and explore life? It's better to try than not to try it at all just because of stupid excuses! No use of talking and arguing with them. Such a waste of time!! ahahaha.. just kidding..We have our own perception on what's right from what's wrong. If your mature and old enough to decide on what to do, well then, good on you.

Let's see what life's in store for me.....

Never Mind coz God provides.

I'm not sure exactly what to write here coz I'm in the middle of boredom inside my room listening to a show in T.V. No one to talk to in the internet. The weather is too gloomy likewise the aura feels so boring. Waiting for the time or maybe to let the sun rest and darkness appears is the most tiring thing to do. I have to keep a better eye on the clock as it tick-tocks while i'm realizing that "have i consuming my time well enough?or am i just wasting it?" Never mind.

Now that I have achieved what I've longed for the last 5 months, is it worth it? Still, anxiousness kept me going all day long. I cannot be happy and fulfill completely since i'm stil tied up with something evilish! I wanna get rid of it so badly... Don't get me wrong, I termed evilish as a metaphor coz they likely the same. Never mind.

Please God give me strength to carry on all this heavy baggage I'm carrying in my back.. I've been through countless trials but then you never left me standing alone. You're my only hope, oh God. I know you have a meaningful purpose for everything and that what keeps me hanging on. Thank you for all the blessings. i love you.:)

Isn't FAIR?

Who said I'm lucky? When we talk about fortunes, it would cause an argument for sure coz it's obvious how unlucky I am in every aspects of life. There's no essence of saying these words for I know for a fact that there's something wrong with me that it would do no good in my way of thinking and my life perse. Pardon me but there's part of me wanting to burst out my emotions that I kept on resisting. Once I said that one most valuable thing I've learned here in NZ is becoming optimistic, seeing the bright side of life, and stay as happy as possible but what the heck I'm feeling right now giving me much headache and moment of vagueness just simply pissing me off. How much I tried to escape from my worries, myself won't do so. Every week different problems welcome me as my life becoming darker when it's used to be brighter.

As much as possible. I'm trying to live life as if everything is fine like getting lot of inspiration from things and PERSON but in the end of the day, what's the point? I can still feel empty inside. I'm worried for the future I guess. It's like I have nowhere to go, nothing to be proud of. Should I remain as is without anything to make me satisfied. I know it's wrong not to be satisfied of what God provided w/c for my best, still I can't help but to question, "Why me? What's wrong with me? Why do you have to put all that challenges onto my back?" Yes, God won't give you problems that you can't handle however, I'm too fragile these days..

People around me are lucky enough to get much of what they need and receive more than what they need. It's not I'm being too judgmental but facts will stay as facts. I don't want to weigh things up but how hypocrite I should be if I don't admit that I do so. Honestly I'm a giving person and as long as I get just enough of what I need, I will be alright. But sometimes, you come to think things over and by doing so you realized how bummer you might be from all the rest. It's not helping seriously, to learn that everyone's progressing and you will stay behind looking how far they've become. Jealously, maybe or a form of stupidity. I dunno. I wonder if my life has a meaning or am I just an accessory to this world full of mysteries. Some might say, God has a purpose for you or you're fortunate enough compared to other suffering individual.. Is that a bu*lsh*t? I don't mean to curse my life but I'm still trying to figure out who am i, WHERE DO I STAND?

Life is indeed unfair. Before it wasn't a big deal for me but in silence, you realized "wheww! it's not fair!"... In time, I hope that things will get better. It's not my intention really to discourage myself but for me to learn how to cope up and sort things up with my inner self. I'm not losing hope if so, otherwise I totally depressed and crying at the moment. I can do it!! I'm not losing hope.

:,((

2.15 in the afternoon as the rain keep on pouring down as i look at the window where all things are soaking wet. I can't help my tears from falling down through my orange jacket and all the sounds I hear is the music from the radio. It hurts to know someone's leaving when all along you knew that everything's going fine. A sudden news going to shock you insane where you've got no where to escape and all left is to cry. There's no way I'm gonna accept this fact, never in my wildest dreams I imagined being in this kind of situation. This probably the worst scenario I'm afraid to deal with. You can gimme hell problems in the world but not this one because I've got nowhere to find something that can heal this kind of pain w/c hurting me too much. I often wonder if all were just a Dream that I'm more than willing to wake up soon. I don't care if I give up what I have at the moment just bring back all good times away from misery. I can stand whatever trials comes my way whether if those will break me, i don't give a damn.

Being away from home had given me difficult time to deal with this especially I've got no family to lean on but I'm thankful coz I have friends who understands me and cares for me. I need to be strong though in silence I tend to be emotional and think over the present situation that's driving me at the peak of depression. Definitely, there's no way I can escape the reality that life has expiration date. Sometimes I question God, "why did it came so fast?". Though I have no right to question the Almighty but it's a human nature to ask things beyond their control.

Sometimes I think that it's better to have Cancer coz you can see how long will you stay in this world whereas, if heart attack, it gets your life instantly without any consent..:( It's damn unfair.

All that is left of me are the memories we had together couple of months ago. I will never forget every single thing she did for me and the rest of the family. She's my role model. She sacrfificed much to help most of us so that's why i find it hard to accept the truth that she's been struggling much. The truth is she almost forgotten her own life coz all she thinks of were how to help us. A guilt deep within makes me too emotional and cry at times. Because it's a fact that I added up to her problems ever since I pursue my dreams of getting here. Instead of advising me to give up, here she goes trying to uplift my spirits telling me how proud she is that I'm already here. She knew even before that I'm gonna achieve my dreams {period}. Honestly if wasn't for her, I won't be able to be as strong as I am now. She's my inspiration who taught me to be brave and she believed whatever trials I'm going to encounter, I can make it.

Living my life without her is unimaginable. Everyday I used to talk with her through chat about random / casual things, sometimes about gossips / life issues/ family issues. I will miss those without any doubt. She very different from the rest coz she's too frank and straight forward. It saddened me to wake up one day waiting for her to pop up in the internet and say.."hi leny". :(( but sadly, i dunno if it will ever happen again. Truly she makes my daily easy as I can talk to her sharing experiences and everything w/c makes me less homesick.. But now, how can i deal with this? I've got no idea at all. It's hell to imagine things like that totally makes me sick.

If there's one wish I can make, that would be to longer her life... I still have heaps of dreams for her. I want to somehow payback to all the good deeds she have done for the family. She deserves to be pampered w/c I know she never experienced given by other person or us. That's one of my ultimate dream ever since. I hope I can still give her comfortable life away from stress and problems..

God help her please...I'm begging you.. But whatever or wherever you want her to be, I'll accept it though there's nothing harder than that... You knows best, I believe in you. We love her so much.....:((