Holla!

My itchiness to type brought me here. Someone whispered in my ear telling me to update my personal site, i dunno who it was or maybe it was just my imagination. Never mind, I think apart from being updated in my Project 365 days tumblr site, I need give much importance to my first ever loved blog site. Blame my laziness for I wasn't able to catch things up here and I've been out for almost a decade it seems.

Whew, If I will try to elaborate significant events from the last update up to this moment, I admit it'll be difficult. You can just check out my tumblr site for more specific updates.

It's unbelievable thinking how far I became from few months ago when I was still struggling to find myself in this world asking myself, "where do I fit in?" It was just some of my "emo" moments like ranting stuffs due to helplessness and sometimes, hopelessness. I can't help it and I just suck onto it. Crappy thoughts always interrupt my concentration and even my goals were once or twice forgotten. How can I forget the times I used to question life? How unfair life is and what the hell life brought me in such position. It took me almost two years to finally discover where do I belong in this crowded world. I couldn't say that this path will be the final destination for me coz life's full of surprises. But honestly, I lose all my pride that's inside me and I'll try to forget my genuine happiness for my incoming success sake. Yeah, I'm positive about this and I can foresee it so wide clearly. This HOPE kept me in new way of thinking that everything is possible and within our reach if we know how to wait and persevere towards one's goal.

For sure I will nailed whatever it takes for me to achieve "SOMETHING" worth my existence. Dealing with this kind of new experience got me stomach upset every time I think of it. Being alone is what I have to deal with. No one to run and no one to lean on. I must be strong enough to be independent coz everything will be different from the usual. Solitary moments, that will actually make me burst out my emotions and wanting to go back home, should be in control. Giving up is never an excuse, I swear to myself that I won't give up no matter what.

Yes, ast month my visa was approved and my flight will be anytime this March. To be exact, its March23. I hope that this is really is it. It's New Zealand BTW. I'm not yet completely prepared but I'm still trying to be prepared emotionally and physically. New environment, new people, new experience are all makes me excited and at the same time, makes me frightened a bit. But don't worry coz I know that I can handle whatever situations for sure. Adaptation Technique has its own ways to help me adjust time after time.

I bet you're thinking how excited I am to see a snow!! Yep, I do!!!! I'm fascinated with people wearing layers of shirts under a comfy sweater and wearing pair of flat or maybe high leg boots.

Yipee!

|ONE STEP CLOSER|

Everything went so fast like a whirlwind it draws me at state of shock. A year ago seems I'm heading on a path of unknown without any direction or destination. Perhaps, my footsteps take me to nowhere as I exhausts myself physically but more on mentally. I've been through several stop-overs to see if i already arrived to the pit stop after a long and winding journey. But then I end up walking again to another path still in faith and losing hope was never my option. Every time I see bright lights, I made belief that maybe this is it, the fate I've been searching for long. As I'm getting near, the lights slowly fading away with no marks or even sparks left. The first thought behind my head keeps on reminding me not to give up instead considered it as God's plan.

Every busy people surrounds me as I walks onto the sidewalks of the metro makes me wonder how hard life is it for them. I can't help but to question things which is wrong and pointless. I see different faces: happy faces and worried faces. I can't read minds so how should I know what's their mind's up to. Do they facing trials brought by unsureness of their decisions? Are they finally receive life's good news? Have they already grasp the light that I'm dying to reach? Is there any barrier for them to taste life sweetness? So many questions yet to be answered.

Honestly, I don't have to questions things much instead be thankful for what I have. Many people were suffering the worst of worst so who I am to demand for more than enough. I guess in this point of time of my life, I'm in the process of finding myself and discovering who else I can be. From my previous ranting, I learned how much bitterness I contained by directly or indirectly blaming my life's fate. I worry a lot and emotions were overflowing, bursting like I am the only person who's suffering. Never in my life I intended to grief with things that happened unexpectedly out of the circle. Unplanned and unintended situations were really inescapable. So I keep in mind that no matter how hard I've tried to cry, scream, be sad and angry, still, everything were done for a purpose paving way for the best outcome possible.

For more or less two years, I keep on chasing my luck from which to which. Run there, run here, almost helpless but still trying. I admit that I didn't tried harder but at least even a bit of effort was exerted. I never been at ease for that long even there was a time I've proved something when I stepped my foot on the bright light just for a while. I never meant to give up and leave an opportunity behind. It's like sacrificing for a thing you haven't been happy of doing. Sacrificing is part of life I suppose but then there no willing power inside me forcing to fight till the end. Subconsciously I felt such a damn loser.

After I skipped the bright light that was already in front of me, suddenly another one came where I caught myself hoping for the best. Abruptly I felt blessed. Unknowingly, I took chances for what seems to be blurry. I had hesitation but still I've took the risk, take a shot and gambled. For couple of months, I've patiently waited. Every single day that I woke up seems like cutting me slowly into pieces. And whenever I see the sunset, I always whisper to myself "not a good day". Until one day, unexpectedly, my anxiety suddenly faded because I've received my most awaited great news. I wanted to jump off my butt and shout aloud without any hesitation. The eagerness was on high and believe me, never felt this way before after I've got my license.

Guarantees are probable expectations. Before, I mentioned that I have a thing here called hesitation, and now its finally erased as I've seen the bright light so clear and free from doubt. But of course, I won't overwhelm myself by expecting too much instead be prayerful and just believe that "this is really is my Time and I'm gonna nailed it for sure!" I'm optimistic this time and I won't let anything serves as a roadblock on my way to the bright light. I've took the risk, I went a long way, and still moving to a more remote point. I'm stepping forward and there's no turning back. I've got this on my bare hands and I won't let it escape away from me. This is my rare luck which I believe will bring me to the peak of success in line with my destined destination. From my previous FB status : It's choice -- not chance -- that determines your destiny. And I have chosen to take the risk that makes me now ONE STEP CLOSER.

|2 year old|

I can't imagine how long this blog been in the world wide web from the very start back in my college days when out of enthusiast and some inspiration from media up to this date. Far from the idea of consistently updating from time to time, I end up inconsistent and inactive for quite some time, but nevertheless, I'm surprised by the fact that I completed the whole year of 2009 which i made at least an entry per month. I felt satisfaction for I can look back in the future what has been aspired which is actually the purpose of blogging.

As much as I wanted to put some rantings, ramblings, photos captured, memories sharing, and all that to express my in-depth emotions/feelings, I can't help my laziness and not in the mood in supplying my page out here. As a consequence, most of my readers drastically disappeared. Well, I can't blame them coz me as well lost myself, besides, I never meant to collect followers ,beg them to drop by and hit me with some comments. But if some would mind to pay time to read, then well, thank you. Appreciate it much. All my blog here for is mainly to express who's who, who's me.

I decided to create a project365 tumblr blog. In that instance, it can be easy for me to update it daily coz it's uncomplicated. This time, I will promise to comply whatever happens...? *I hope so.

2010!

Candid shot. loljk

This photo's caused by my laziness to type..
Listed here the monthly highlights of 2009.

I consider Resolutions as bitch! But then again, I'll try to set standards. Whether or not achieved, still, I don't mind. Besides, who are we to create a list of things to do? Whatever/However we wanted stuffs to happen, only God decides. Anyway, for the sake of resolution thing coz it's new year...here we goes..

• Lose weight. Whatever!
• More Patience. Especially to my naughty cousins.
• Lessen my laziness.
• Watch more inspiring movies.
• Perseverance to achieve my goal.
• Don’t spend so much time on the internet
• Eat healthy foods. Less meats, sweets, sodas, rice..
• Shoot wonderful photos.
• Edit much. Be creative.
• Project 365!
  
• Stop being mean, sometimes.
• Get disciplined.
• Travel.
• Learn acceptance & letting go.
• Don't expect too much.
• Always find time to enjoy & laugh.
• Discover myself.
• Go through a major change.
• Hang-out more often.
• Try new things.
• Help others to change their (-) attitude.
• Get a freakin' JOB!
  
• Go out of the country (period).
  

I know there's a lot of things to change or to achieve...But These all I can formulate for now. i'll try to add laTurrr. Long live 2010!

merry christmas 2009 & happy new year 2010!

Our Christmas Eve was a typical gathering where we eat Noche Buena Minutes before Christmas day. This time, we had a mini-exchange gifts w/ amount of at least a 100 pesos. I can say that the exchange gifts giving was the best part of the evening. We laughed like crazy and fooled around like there's no tomorrow. Though we didn't managed to have a group shot not even once. It kinda regretful for me. Anyway, nothing can surpass the happiness in each of us faces that night.

The description @ the photo describes it all. However I felt stupid coz some early photos were deleted for unknown reason. Maybe I'm the one to blame for my carelessness! I want to forget it but photos really mean the whole world to me that why I'm so guilty. Photos speak a thousand words or maybe million? the memories behind it means much. I don't simply shot a scene coz I wanted or I just like to, but capturing moments is simply means that I don't want to forget the time, people & place in the photos.

New year's eve marked a playful night for us. We've danced in the moonlight, sung like screaming, jumped as high as we could, firecrackers all the way, ate for media noche, snapshots of course.

Photos here : christmas & new year

1st half of DECEMBER

Dec. 1, 2009 - Mama's bday!
Dec. 11 - Picked up package @ Johnny Air SM Megamall
- Saw LENKA, the Australian Singer who sang "the show".
Dec. 12 - Meryl's Family Fun Day. Chowking Sm Sta. Rosa afterwards. photos here.


Dec. 13 - Celebrated Angel's 6th Birthday!

Dec. 14 - Birthday of Angel. photos here






















Dec. 15 - Searched for child labourers for DOLE's x'mas project.

Dec. 16 - Start of "Simbang Gabi"

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Honestly, My head get spinning around w/ random thoughts mainly occupied w/ anxiousness and nervousness. I don't have any idea on what the hell I'm doing this non-sense blog entry whereas most readers won't actually pay time to read. Maybe I caught up w/ a thought of letting go of this weird feeling so that it won't actually stuck up in my mind. Simply, I only want myself to realize that everything will goes out well so never "myself" worry w/ anything and everything under the sun so help me God lol.

• Here's the deal, I have this situation wherein I have to put my faith in God into test or in simple words... I committed a big RISK. You might find it vague for I can't further elaborate so please understand.Yes, it's odd but seriously it serious! I have no other weapon but FAITH IN GOD.
• Should I easily believe in a thing w/ no clear security or guarantee? Two things that makes me stand to it are vocal statement assuring positive outcomes and family friend's referral. Are they enough? I'm so confused.
• Do I have to expect that I can achieve what was planned from the very start since they promised me guaranteed outcome? Yeah. I'm such an idiot! Of course I know the answer but please blame my mind coz it keeps on lingering up here.
• I don't want to end up in stupidity! I can't help it for I am so desperate that I can do anything to get in my goal and break the ice. Classified as risk-taker but does that thing worth the risk? worth the wait?
  

The above statement consisted w/ blahblahblah thoughts of an insane girl so please don't read in case you don't wish to be like her. Seriously, I'm so serious and yes I'm being redundant. It shows how lousy I am and weird at the same time. Seriously again, I'm not worrying mainly w/ my wholeness alone but w/ utmost dedication to my family who I'd like to give everything and everything..is there anything else than everything??? That made me seriously worry like hell coz I'm damn desperate but w/ my desperate intention I hope that God will not let me go and still have pity on me most esp. at this very highest{?} peak of my life.

Lord God, Help me w/ this need. I know I'm being too demanding however this goes out not for myself alone but for my family. I know you never failed to grant my wishes every time I asked from you. I know that I'm deserving but please let this be my stepping stone for much improvement in the future ahead of me. I know you are busy watching each one of your creation but can you put a glimpse on me for a while? I know you won't give up on me. I know you love me.

FB Update:

-->>> Made me smile yesterday. An ultimate HS crush btw. He never knew me anyways. LOL.But I have to make his identity a mystery for privacy purposes.LOL. "meganooon??"